


With All My Heart And Soul

by Ohmystydiaheart



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, I had to do it but that was just functional for the story, I'm don't know how to tag this, Pack night at Lydia's, Stiles POV, Stiles and Lydia love each other, Stiles is brave, Stiles thinks about Lydia all day, There's nothing you can do about it, angst again, even though he's with malia, minor Stalia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-22
Updated: 2014-10-22
Packaged: 2018-02-22 04:16:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2494058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ohmystydiaheart/pseuds/Ohmystydiaheart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>...he is Stiles and she is Lydia and yes, they are friends, but they were born to be together. He knows it, she probably knows it too. They can try to fight it, they can try to hold it in, but it is just meant to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	With All My Heart And Soul

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I loved writing this and I hope you enjoy! I'm still very insecure about my writing since English is not my first language and I've never written anything before this. Let me know what you think by leaving kudos and comment, I would really appreciate it :)  
> Oh, and check out my Stydia blog on Tumblr, @ohmystydiaheart :)
> 
> xxx-Giorgia

Stiles Stilinski was happy with his life. The death pool had been stopped, Peter Hale was now locked in Eichen House, Scott was okay after Kate kidnapped him, he had a beautiful girlfriend who cared about him and his dad was starting to follow that diet he had been obsessing him about.  
When he woke up on Friday morning, ready for the last day of school of the week, he was sure it was going to be the start of a great weekend: the pack had decided to throw an intimate party at Lydia’s to relax and chill out after all the horrible things they had to get through. For the first time in a very, very long time he felt like there was nothing he had to worry about, not a single thing. So he took a quick shower, brushed his teeth, took the keys of his jeep and headed to school.

Once he arrived, he was warmly welcomed from Scott and Kira, who were chatting by their lockers.

“Good morning beauty!” Scott said, smiling at him. “Are you excited for tonight? ‘Cause I most definitely am!”

“Hey Scotty, yup, pretty damn excited! Can’t wait! SO EXCITED!!” Stiles answerd, jumping around and throwing his hands in the air as if he was dancing.

“Ok Stiles, relax! It’s a small party, not Star Wars convention!”

Stiles smiled at the idea of actually going to a Star Wars convention. That would be _the_ dream. But that was not the case, so he just sent a creepy look to Scott and opened his locker to get the books for his first class of the day: advanced maths.

He said goodbye to Scott and Kira and was about to walk to class, when he heard footsteps right behind him. He turned around and found Lydia: she was wearing a dress (of course), it was green and matched perfectly with her strawberry blonde hair and hazel eyes. She looked beautiful, but that wasn’t a surprise. Even though he was with Malia now, every time he saw her she just took his breath away. He was used to it after nine years of basically loving her every day of his life. Well, not that  he was still in love with her _right know_ but, you know, still.

“What are you looking at, Stilinski?” Lydia interrupted Stiles’ thoughts and he realized he was staring at her with wide eyes.

“Uhm, nothing, I was just, uhm, thinking.” Stiles cut short. He suddenly saw Lydia’s cheeks flushing. _It’s impossible,_ he thought, _You must be mistaken! Lydia doesn’t blush in front of anyone, let alone you, Stiles. Maybe she was thinking about something else that provoked the blushing. Ok you have been quite for too long now, say something Stiles. Come on just say something. Ok, at this point you might as well say the first thing that pops into your mind. Are you fucking kidding me Stiles, just say something for fuck’s sake._

“Ready to hit class?” _What the hell was that. Fuck my life. You are so stupid Stiles._

“Uhm, yeah, I guess? Let’s go” And Lydia walked away, and Stiles followed her. And he couldn’t help but think about a few months earlier, when she didn’t even know he existed and she used to not give him the time of the day. And he would just follow her, who walks really fast for being 3.5 by the way, even when she’s wearing hills, which is basically every day of week.  
And now Stiles feels grateful for being able to have a normal conversation with her, for being her close friend and for knowing the _real_ Lydia. 

They sit next to each other in class, and he would look at her from time to time, just to find her totally absorbed in the lecture, taking notes and asking questions not even the teacher can answer. She’s beautiful, and she’s smart, and she smells like heaven but Stiles shouldn’t be looking at her, and he shouldn’t _at all_ be smelling her. _Focus Stiles, focus. You don’t do that, ever again, do you hear me? You are Stiles, and she’s Lydia, and you are friends._

The rest of the day went by slowly: Stiles kept talking to himself and there was nothing he could do to take his mind off of Lydia because he is Stiles, and she is Lydia and yes, they are friends, but they were born to be together. He knows it, she probably knows it too. They can try to fight it, they can try to hold it in, but it is just meant to be.

\---

When the final bell rang, everyone met in the parking lot. They had decided to meet at Lydia’s at 8 o’clock to have some pizza, so they said their goodbyes and went home. Stiles dropped Malia at her place and told her he would pick her up at 7.30. When she got off the jeep she kissed him on the lips but he couldn’t help but think that that was not what he wanted to do, and that was not the place he wanted to be. When he started the car again, he sighted and went straight home, up to his bedroom and laid on his bed staring at the ceiling.

_What the hell, Stiles? You realize that even thinking about Lydia means that you are cheating on Malia, right? You are a horrible person. Horrible, horrible person._

Stiles tried to shut down his thoughts but he just couldn’t. Lydia was everywhere in his mind. Strawberry locks running around, hazel eyes and short, very short blue dresses. Hands, lips, everything.

_You shouldn’t be excited about tonight, you know that right? You know that the time you walk into Lydia’s house you will be looking for her, longing to talk to her, to touch her? With your girlfriend sitting in the same room as the two of you?_

Stiles took his phone. He opened Whatsapp and scrolled down until he found his conversation with Lydia. He opened it. The last interaction with her was of four days earlier, at 00:56 and it went like this:

 _Lydia_ : Stilinski, we are having a party on Friday night. My place, 8 o’clock. Pizza and random movies and a lot of alcohol. You’re coming right?

 _Lydia_ : In case you didn’t get it, that was a rhetorical question. Of course you are coming.

 _Lydia_ : Goodnight, see you tomorrow. Xx L.

 _Stiles_ : Hey Martin. Well, it’s nice to know I have options.

 _Stiles_ : I will have to cancel on my plans but I think that yeah I will make it to your party ;)

 _Lydia_ : What kind of plans do you have to cancel on? -.-

 _Stiles_ : I HAVE A LIFE YOU KNOW!!!!

 _Lydia_ : Yeah, right! Go to sleep. You always look tired in the morning. See you tomorrow :)

 _Stiles_ : Goodnight Lydia :)

He started typing something, just random words, he wanted to write something to her but he didn’t know what to write and he was freaking out because everything would have just sounded weird and unnecessary. So he locked his phone, put it back down on the bed. It was 6:20, one more hour to go before he had to pick up Malia. He closed his eyes and suddenly fell asleep.

\---

When his phone rang, it took him a minute to realize where he was and what was going on. Then he looked at the clock on his desk and jumped on his feet.

“Hello?”

“Stiles, where the hell are you, you were supposed to pick me up 15 minutes ago. You fell asleep, didn’t you? We’re going to be late for the party and our pizzas will be cold by the time we get there and…”

That was too much information for Stiles. Malia was almost screaming and he still had his eyes closed and he could not listen to her rant anymore.

“I’m sorry Malia, I did fall asleep. I’ll be picking you up in 10. And please stop screaming, I’m not in the mood”

“Oh, the little prince is not in the mood? Guess what, I’ve been waiting for you for 15 minutes now, outside, in front of my house and you are not in the mood? Get your ass here, Stiles. Right now!”

Stiles didn’t bother to answer and just cut the conversation, threw his phone on the bed and changed. He wanted to take a shower but, of course, he didn’t have time. So he just picked a random t-shirt, put it on and walked out of his house. When he arrived at Malia’s, she was sitting in the front porch looking pretty pissed off, and when she got in the car she started ranting again about how it was so disrespectful of him to make her wait and _blablabla._ Stiles knew she was right and apologized again but she just wouldn’t stop. So, he decided to stop listening. And, while driving to Lydia’s house, he started thinking again.

_You just made your girlfriend wait for you because you feel asleep since you were too exhausted for thinking of Lydia all day. Great job, Stiles.  
You know you could just break up with Malia if you wanted to give it a try with Lydia but you would never do that, because you know Lydia doesn’t actually like you, and she will never be your girlfriend._

“Fuck you”

“Excuse me?!” Malia was looking at him shocked. “What did you just say?”

“Oh my God no, I wasn’t talking to you Malia, I swear”

“Then who were you talking to?”

“…myself?” Stiles realized that sounded even more stupid but that was the truth.

“Yeah, right. You know what Stiles, fuck you too”.

_\-----_

Thank god the car ride was over, since they had arrived at Lydia’s. Stiles wouldn’t have taken one more minute of that conversation. They got off the car and walked separately to the front door and knocked. Soon, the door was opening and Lydia was there, and Stiles was there and for a second he forgot that Malia was there too.       The werecoyote made her way inside and the two of them were left alone, Stiles still outside and Lydia still holding the door open for him.

“So.. you wanna come in?” Lydia said smiling, trying to break the awkward silence she wasn’t sure why was there.

“Uhm, sure, thank you”

“Come with me, I’ll show you where you can put your coat”

Stiles followed Lydia up to her bedroom, where all the other coats were. He took his off and put it on her bed.

“You are late, but the pizza guy said he was going to be a bit late as well, so I guess you are lucky” Lydia was smiling at him.

“Yeah I know, I’m sorry. I fell asleep and then I had to pick up Malia. This is why we were late”

“Don’t worry about it Stilinski, it’s not like you were late to your wedding! Imagine how Malia would react if that happened though, that would be hilarious to look at”

“Sorry to disappoint you but that will never happen” Stiles said, for some reason staring at his shoes.

“Well, you can never tell”

“Believe me, I can”

“And why is that, Mr. Nostradamus?”

“Because I’m not going to marry Malia”

“Oh my god Stiles, you had a fight, no need to be that pessimistic about it!”

“If I’m being something right now, I’m being optimistic, trust me”. Stiles looked up and met her eyes, that were extremely beautiful as always. She was looking at him too, their gazes locked together and it seemed like she wanted to say something but she couldn’t find the words.

_Danger, danger, danger! Why are you talking about this to Lydia, Stiles? I tell you this is not going to end well!_

“Okay, well, shall we go downstairs? The others are waiting for us”. And with that Lydia broke the awkward silence and turned around, walking fast, too fast even for her standards.

\--------

After dinner, the pack decided to watch some movies. Of course they all refused to watch what Stiles had brought (Star Wars, obviously) so they ended up watching Kill Bill Vol. 1 and 2, that were great movies anyways. Drinking wine, commenting on the scenes everyone already knew by heart, the night was going well. Stiles managed to shut down his thoughts and enjoy the movies and the company of his friends. They were laughing and having a very good time. When the last movie was over, they helped Lydia to clean up the living room and the kitchen before leaving.

When Stiles dropped Malia home, after what seemed like a two-hour-car ride, he decided that he had to talk to her. He didn’t know where the conversation was going until he was actually speaking the words.

“Malia, wait a minute”

“Wait? Really? Again? Don’t you think I have waited for you for too long today already?”

“Please, I have to tell you something”

“Ok, let’s hear it” said Malia, annoyance clearly in her eyes.

“Look Malia, first of all, I would like to apologize again, for the twentieth time tonight, for being late before. You know it never happens to me, I’m always on time. I fell asleep and I’m sorry I was late. Now, there’s this other thing I need to talk to you about. I don’t know where this is going.”

“This what?” Malia looked confused now, Stiles thought he was being clear but apparently the werecoyote wasn’t used to the dating vocabulary yet.

“This” Stiles moved his arm from her to him and from him to her “Our relationship. Do you see it going somewhere? What do you think about this?” Stiles asked, still moving his arms around.

“Well, I think this is fun. I enjoy spending time with you. And I don’t know where it’s going, I just know I’m having fun”

“And is this enough for you?”

“Hell yeah it is! Plus, I’m still new to all this dating thing, I don’t know how I am supposed to feel, you know. But I enjoy it. And I know you enjoy it too, I can see you look at me in a different way you look at the other girls. For example, I see you looking at me and then I see you looking at Lydia and it’s clear that there’s nothing there! You look at her with totally different eyes! It’s obvious you don’t feel for her what you feel for me!”

Stiles was confused and couldn’t really believe what he was hearing.

“Okay Malia, listen to me. I need to tell you something and I really hope you don’t take this the wrong way because god knows how much I care about you. It’s just..I need something more. Fun is _fun_ , obviously, but it is not enough for me anymore. I need to know that I’m moving forward and I feel that I’m not going anywhere. I care about you, you are such a sweet girl, although you can be very annoying sometimes” he chuckled, thinking about their previous fight “but that’s just who you are. And I respect that. And I hope you understand that I don’t want to hurt you by doing what I’m about to do, I would never do that. But I have to, because I don’t love you”.

Malia was now looking at him intensely, confusion on her face.

“What’s wrong about that? I don’t get it, why should that change things?”

“Because, Malia, I love someone. And I can’t be with you if I’m in love with someone else. I’m sorry, I really, really am”

“You love someone? Really? Who is it?” Malia didn’t sound hurt or disappointed at this point, she sounded curious.

“Do you really want to know?”

“Of course I want to know, if that’s the reason you’re breaking up with me”

“Okay Malia. It’s Lydia. And I don’t know what I’m going to do about it, I don’t know if I will act on it or not, but I have to break up with you because either way this is not right. All I need you to know that I would never lie to you, because you don’t deserve it. Seriously, I would never do that. You are an important person in my life and I would never do anything to hurt you. Never.”

“Lydia? Really? Well then, I guess I had that one wrong. I thought you loved me and you didn’t love her. Apparently it’s the other way around. I need to work on my werecoyote extra senses, I guess”.

Stiles smiled at her and hugged her tightly. She did the same because, Stiles thought, maybe she understood. Maybe Malia would just get over it soon and find someone who can love her the way she deserved to be loved. When they parted, the girl kissed him briefly on the lips for the last time and said goodbye.

“Stiles, thank you for being honest with me. I appreciate it. You were my very first boyfriend and I will never forget you. If love is as amazing as you guys always say, I can’t wait to find it. Besides, there are plenty of fish in the sea and I’m still young and beautiful”. She blinked at him and with that she was gone.

Stiles watched her walking to her front door and started thinking.

_I can’t believe you did it. You actually just did it. You broke up with Malia. You did it. Oh my god you did it. Ok, relax. You just did what I never thought you could do BUT NO NEED TO PANIK JUST RELAX STILES. What are you going to do now? Lydia? Lydia freaking Martin? Lydia The Love Of Your Life Martin? Are you sure you want to do that? To give that a try? Can you imagine how much that would hurt you if she doesn’t love you? What if she doesn’t even like you?_

Stiles was just about to scream when something clicked in his head.

_…but what if she does?_

\---

The night was dark and the roads were empty. No one to be seen around Beacon Hills at two in the morning.

Stiles had two options: _one,_ to go back home, get some sleep and think about all of that in the morning. _Two,_ to drive to Lydia’s house, declare his eternal love for her, get rejected, go back home, get some sleep and think about all of that in the morning.

Stiles knew that if he wanted to act, he had to do it right in that moment. If he procrastinated, then he wouldn’t find the courage to do it, not the next day, not ever. So he just took the first turn on the right, ready (not) to get his heart broken once for all. At this point, he didn’t really care anymore, he just wanted to see Lydia, tell her all about his feelings and hear what she had to say.

\---

He hadn’t calld her to tell her he was going to her place, nor he had sent her a message. So, when she opened the door in her pajamas, with no makeup on and with her hair up in a messy bun, she was quite surprised to see Stiles standing outside her house. She was about to say something but he just walked into her house and took a seat at the kitchen table.

“Lydia, please sit with me for a moment. Please come sit with me. Don’t interrupt me because if I stop I won’t be able to start again”

Lydia didn’t say a word and sat in front of him.

“Okay, I need to tell you something. I know this might just be out of the blue for you, but it’s not for me and I need to tell you because I’m losing my shit here, Lydia, and I can’t hold it in anymore”.

Lydia was looking in his eyes, just listening to his words. She was going to let him speak without asking any questions, and this helped Stiles a little bit.

“Okay, so, how should I say this. Okay, let’s see. I love you Lydia and please don’t speak right now. Let me finish. I love you. And I basically always had. Not in a creepy way, though. Don’t get me wrong. Always in a very, very nice way. Now, you might be wondering why I have decided to come to your place at three in the morning to tell you this? Well, the answer is very simple. I just broke up with Malia and I knew that tonight was the night because I am not this brave normally so I had to take advantage of it. I could have waited until tomorrow but you know that everything is different in the morning. NOT THAT I DON’T LOVE YOU IN THE MORNING, of course I do, but you know, no one is brave in the morning. Everyone is just sleepy. So I came here and I told you because _firstly,_ it’s true and I love you with all my heart, _secondly_ I think you deserved to hear me saying it and _thirdly_ I guess it’s always nice to know that people love you.”

Stiles stopped for a minute to catch his breath. He was now staring at his hands and he was afraid to look up.

“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. Not ever. That was never my intention, trust me. I just thought that for once in my life I was allowed to do something for me, to get rid of this burden that has been hunting me since the fucking third grade. I wanted you to know, and I wanted to be free. And now I am free because I told you, and I’m not sure I want to know what’s your opinion on the topic and I’ll probably never will since I’m too scared to look into your eyes right now. So I’ll just keep staring at my hands, I have pretty nice hands. I could stare at them forever. Maybe not forever but for a little longer.”

Stiles was shaking at this point and was about to get up to leave Lydia’s house forever when he heard her chair moving. She stood up and _please please please don’t come near me or I will just break, please give me the time to process what I just did. Please don’t hug me or I will cry,_ but she was just walking towards the fridge. She opened it and took something, then she sat down again. Stiles moved his eyes from his hands to the table and saw Lydia’s hands, that were holding an ice cream box and two spoons.

She gave one to him and finally spoke.

“Stiles, now I need you to look at me”.

“Do I really have to?” Stiles whispered.

_If she loved you back she would have already told you. She would have said it back immediately. She doesn’t love you and you are stupid._

“Yes, please”

_You might as well just look at her, she’s going to tell you she doesn’t love you anyways. What difference does it make at this point?_

Stiles was about to start crying. He was devastated. He decided that it was true, he had screwed up already, he should take his responsibilities and look her in the eyes while she rejected him. So he did. And he found her smiling.

“About time” she told him, the smile never leaving her face “Please have some ice cream. You look like you need sugar”

“Lydia I’m not really in the …”

Lydia interrupted him immediately: “Now is my turn to talk, Stiles. Grab the spoon and shut up”

Stiles widened his eyes and open his mouth, just to close it again immediately.

“Fine”

“I must be honest with you, Stilinski. I’ve been waiting for a long time for you to say these things. I was fearing you were never going to, since you were with Malia. I had lost hopes.” She stopped to take a deep breath and then continued: “I am in love with you. So much it hurts. I look at you every day, in class, on the lacrosse field, in the library. I look at you and I think _god I love him so, so much._ But I’m not brave, I’m not impulsive and this is why I never told you before. When I first realized I had these feelings I was scared to death. I had never felt anything like this before and I didn’t know what to do. My best friend, Allison, isn’t here anymore. I couldn’t talk to her, ask her for some advice and I was lost. I decided not to act on it, to hold it in because you didn’t deserve it. You were happy with Malia, or at least I thought you were. And I didn’t want to hurt you, I had lost my chance and I wasn’t in the place to declare my love for you. But I _do_ love you. With all my heart and soul. And I want to do is tonhug you right now, and to kiss you, and I will, in a minute. But first, I need to ask you something: will you be  my boyfriend? Like, for real?”

Stiles at this point was crying. He was shaking his head in disbelief, opening and closing is mouth as if he wanted to say something but just couldn’t. After a couple of minutes of just shaking and crying Lydia spoke again: “Stiles?”

“I’m sorry,  I’m sorry. Of course Lydia. I will be your boyfriend. Today and for as long as you want me to be.”

Lydia smiled again, stood up and reached for his shoulder. Then she moved his chair away from the table and sat on his lap, caressing his face with her fingers.

“I love you Stiles. I love you and I want to be your girlfriend. I will kiss you now”

And so she did. It was sweet, soft and tender. It was just a few seconds but it felt like something they wanted to keep doing for the rest of their lives. When they parted, they looked in each other eyes and breathed loudly. They Stiles hugged her tightly, whispering love words in her ear. Tears streaming down her face, melting with his.

They said goodnight and Stiles left Lydia’s house with the promise of picking her up in the morning to go to school.

 ---

There is Stiles, there is Lydia and now they know that they are meant to be together. They will have to work really hard for it, it’s going to be amazing but it is also going to hurt.

But it will _always_ be worth it.


End file.
